Hey, Cow

I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I’ve encountered a strange phenomenon walking or biking around in Chinese cities; as a foreigner passes people by, or as people pass on foot, on bike, or in cars, many will yell out “hello?”. I don’t know why this phenomenon is so universal, but it gets old quickly. If in America I called out “nihao” to an Asian, it would be unacceptably rude and considered quite racist. I’m often tempted loudly mutter “so obnoxious” or chase one of these people down and ask them why exactly they felt the need to call after me, not in a greeting form so much as a question, like one trying to get my attention or answer a phone.

And then today it dawned on me, that this is probably exactly their goal: just to provoke any sort of reaction or response, to get my attention. It puts me in mind of a game called “Hey, Cow” that is apparently played by high school kids in rural areas, who must get bored easily, because they’ll drive alongside a cow pasture and yell at the cows until they turn their heads. I learned of this game in a more amusing form: my freshman year I played on the ultimate Frisbee team, and one of our captains was nicknamed “Party Cow”. Several younger players had the idea of adapting the game to calling “hey, cow!” at him, and seeing how often they could get him to react. So, here I am a novelty, and I suppose people want to engage me in some way, whether their intentions are obnoxious or not.

I had a fun shopping excursion to French grocery store/superstore chain Carrefour today, perusing the books, tea sets, furniture, etc and picking up some groceries for a trip I’m taking this weekend. Grocery stores are always fun for Chinglish encounters, and I was not disappointed today: in a blatant appeal to consumerist nature, a sign over a display of snack foods asked, “Have you tried the new life?”. I also found a package labeled “Elaborate Bacon”, which struck me as odd; I can think of few grocery items less elaborate than bacon: there’s really only one way to cook it (remove from package and place close to heat source), and it generally consists of little other than cured pig meat. Elaborate yogurt would perhaps work, since it now comes with so many mix-ins and layers and on-the-bottoms. Elaborate Cake Mix is also a product I might understand, though I think it might defeat the purpose of buying mix, but bacon is generally a rather simple matter, so I have no idea what they meant. Perhaps the most entertaining translations were on the boxes of condoms at the check-out, one of which proclaimed that it was the “Extra Soldier” variety (this was not a brand name but a category, like “ribbed”). On a side note, Thursday morning seems to be “old-people-shopping-hour”, and I must say that the elderly in China have some of the worst comb-overs, toupees and grown-out dye jobs I have ever seen. There were several people I wanted to shake by the shoulders and ask, “Who do you think you’re fooling?”.